**The choices we make communicate our intentions and our values far more clearly than our words.** Words can mislead. Behaviours are clear. My horses never lie and are never inconsistent because they have no words.
There is a saying “when in Rome…”. A year ago I moved to rural France. To communicate with the people here I have to learn French. And I have to keep improving my French to improve my understanding and connection to French people. I can live here and be physically close to my French neighbours but I will never be truly connected in a deep mutual understanding until I speak French fluently.
It is the same for our horse. We choose to enter the horse’s world. So we must communicate with our horse as a horse not as a human. When we choose to adopt a human attitude to the horse we will fail. We’ve all heard the words (or said them ourselves – I certainly have). “I work hard to keep him and I only ask for one hour of his attention each day…why won’t he give me this”. In the mental struggle we are not aware of the horse as a horse and that he lives truly in the moment and is truly honest. He doesn’t do bargains and deals. He doesn’t scheme and lie. He doesn’t hold grudges. He doesn’t love or hate. He is just a horse.
You may be able to fool assorted non-discerning others but you will never fool your horse **(or yourself)**. And what really matters at the end of the day? Not the rosettes or the ill-won accolades. What matters is how you really feel about yourself and your horse. You owe it to yourself, and your horse, to seek out the “real thing”.
What are the qualities that define a good rider for you? Who do you admire and why?
For me, the good rider gives her **whole attention to her whole self**. And she does the same for her horse. She helps him to become aware of his whole self. She creates situations where he can learn and feel. She encourages him to think for himself and to carry himself. She builds his confidence and his strength. She builds his trust in her.
There are so many parallels between riding and living. Riding provides the ultimate opportunity in learning to go with what is, to **accept and relax into the movement**. Not fighting it, not trying to make it into something else “the way I want it to be”, just **going with what is. Achieving transitions with as little disturbance to balance as possible.**
We all want some stability as it is predictable and we know that we can cope. But too much and life would be boring; too little and life becomes like a helter-skelter ride. How much instability can we cope with? If we are fixed (rigid, inflexible) in our minds and bodies we are less able to ride life’s waves. We have to **learn to be more fluid, less rigid, more flexible**.
Many people mistake this for “giving in” and associate this with “losing” or “failing”, but I think it is better to see this as **“accepting” and “releasing” ourselves from the chains of our own minds**. FREE YOUR MIND. If we do cling on for too long eventually we do have to give in – or cave in – because our body can’t cope with it and it collapses (breaks-down). **“Accepting” isn’t collapsing, it is releasing.** In riding, as in life, **we become strong by letting go, not by clinging on**. Equally, we need to be strong to feel that we can let go.
The only thing I can truly control is myself.
Know yourself.
Don’t react, make a conscious choice.
I am a system. My horse is a system.
When we choose to ride our horse we aim to create a new system.
The strength of the connections determines the strength of the system.
To make the right choices we must **understand the system**
We **become strong by letting go**, not by clinging on.
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